That Kid With the Backwards Heart — orteil42: i just found this again

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Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
call-me-otacon
orteil42: “i just found this again ”
orteil42

i just found this again

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hotvampireadjacent

Things that are canon in the Metal Gear universe

wonderfulworldofmichaelford

  • Big Boss employed a man whose sole claim to fame was that he was able to run. Said man also was incapable of jumping since he runs into claymore mines you place on the floor
  • A man named “Hot Coldman” was a high ranking government official
  • There are several mechs that spoke like Vocaloids and sang while attacking
  • An astronaut died, was possessed by a pyrokinetic demon, and was able to continue living as a zombie by sheer force of will
  • A man had his arm cut off and then replaced it with the arm of his boss, whose ghost then briefly possessed him. Maybe.
  • Two United States politicians attempted to use Metal Gears to restore America to greatness. Both men were killed by the same man with a katana
  • Nanomachines are pretty much the explanation for everything
  • There was a guy who could control bees
  • Big Boss discovered the tsuchinoko
barfy

  • big boss and kazuhira miller invented doritos, mountain dew, and axe body spray. kazuhira miller may or may not have invented mcdonalds
  • eva kicked ocelot in the face with a motorcycle. not ‘rode up to him and kicked him’, not ‘ran him over with a motorcycle’. she kicked him, in the face, using the motorcycle, as her foot 
  • the first thing otacon did upon meeting solid snake was cry, pee his pants, and talk about anime, and they still wound up raising a child together. a success story
  • a flaming whale ghost ate a helicopter and no one cared
  • big boss’s dick is huge and it’s because of nuclear radiation
  • solid snake never noticed nor questioned that the president of the united states of america has his exact same face
  • tactical wedges. tactical stilettos. tactical lingerie.
  • there is a bandana that instantly gives the wearer infinite ammo in their gun, in real life, no one questions this even once
  • the president of the united states of america grabbed raiden’s dick
helixfruit

The notes on this are INSANE

@robofixer I fully believe that this is all true

robofixer

100%

a-trex

  • there is a scene about figuring out who the spy is in the room when in fact every single person in the room is a spy
  • raiden also just has a big dick - confirmed when a guard sees him naked saying “Wish I had that”
  • a ghost helps you escape from jail by holding a comically large sign of a codec number to call
  • huey emmerich (fuck huey) invented vaping 
  • a man explodes a bunch of crossbow bolts from his body when he dies
  • a character who comes from the dead, has fangs, and drinks blood is named Vamp not because he is a vampire but because he’s bisexual
  • Big Boss still believes in Santa
deadlydoodles

  • Soviet Russia Male Storm powers a broken down mecha by himself.
  • He also nukes his own country for No Reason.
  • Gulf war baby syndrome was a byproduct of the US military thinking people would be like Big Boss if they had his genes in them.
  • There are a total of Six Snakes.
  • Fission Mailed.
  • A gigantic Mecha doesn’t work so the big bad solves it by having a ten year old psychic boy move and control it with his mind.
  • Ocelot, a villain who is involved with no less than 6 torture scenes, has a torture fetish and outright says so during one such torture scene.
  • The phrase “Accursed Snake Children” is used.
  • Big Boss is either a terrifying war criminal who’s brainwashed thousands of people or he’s really just that cool. No it is never answered which.
  • There’s Russian weaboo only instead of being obsessed with Japanese anime he’s obsessed with american westerns to the point where he momentarily replaces his Russian accent with a southern one. He eventually switches back.
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